I think we made a huge mistake. I’m sitting at our brand new kitchen island watching snow fall through the giant vaulted windows, and somehow the only thing that keeps playing over and over again in my mind is, what the hell did we do?

Something happened financially we didn’t expect, and now I just lost 4 of my biggest clients over the course of 2 weeks.

I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t have some doubts and fears when we put our house up for sale after receiving our approval letter from the bank for a new construction loan. I mean, who wouldn’t be a bit nervous building a house during a supply shortage, uprooting two kids, two dogs and three horses, living in a camper for 8 months (and that’s if it all goes as planned). But honestly, my business was growing like crazy and we saw that this new mortgage would be well within our means. We just couldn’t pass up this insane buyers market and make double of what we owed on the house.

Well, that was until interest rates suddenly spiked and what we were quoted more than tripled. Yeah… I got that news from the camper, one month out from finishing and mortgaging our new home.

I mean, 2022 was an insane year for my business, thankfully. Because we didn’t really take that advice of “expect everything to be 10% higher during a new home build” seriously enough. Everything from our well to our septic, our driveway and the dang final purchase price of the land was higher than expected.

We drained our savings account and, by the grace of God, my business more than doubled in revenue between 2021 and 2022. So, we were able to pay our way through it but with very (and I mean very) little cushion on the other side post moving-in.

So yeah… losing those four big clients has me feeling like our financial security is about to crumble, and I can’t help but sit here, zoning out on the fireplace and wondering… did I literally just sabotage my business and future success?

My chest feels so tight thinking that I might have to push my business to the back burner and try to get some high paying job. Outside of my own business building experience I am no candidate for any executive salary and Lord knows I can’t make more than $15, maybe $20 max locally here.

I am just a mess right now and I don’t know if I want to cry, scream, or take an Ambien.

What I should do is open my laptop and start scrambling to replace these clients. We still have enough revenue coming in to cover the bills but I can’t lose any more clients right now before I get a chance to add more.

Maybe I should scramble and try to sign some upfront payments from recruiting clients just to get us some breathing room while the business gets back to baseline.

Actually, you know what? What hurts so much right now is that my business isn’t failing.

Gosh — I’ve lost clients before. Big clients. I’ve had clients fail to pay me up to 30k a month in past due bills. The business is fine. The business is normal. It’s business.

I think we just made a mistake assuming stability and now suddenly we’re living beyond our means and the business is going to be the one to suffer for it.

I feel like an idiot. Do you know how embarrassing it is going to be when I have to tell my family we’re going to lose the house we just built after finally finding security?

What did I do wrong? Did I get too comfortable with organic growth and relax too much? Did I make a mistake even offering full time recruiting in my agency? Did that dilute my overall business structure? Make me lose focus?

How can I tell my kids that those brand new bedrooms they waited 8 months for inside a camper had to be sold to someone else. How in the hell did I put myself back in this situation of financial struggle after finally climbing out?

Bad financial decisions probably… I’ll own that. I am not a great money manager, never have been.

I just feel like an idiot right now. I have to go brainstorm before I continue spiraling. I can save this business… right?

Talk to you tomorrow.

PS — Forgot to mention, it’s January 2023… Happy New Year…